I’m realising how at ends i am with my life and work a constant tightrope of balancing as i have a Face book twitter blog and MySpace and also my artist ping but if i’m really honest i don’t want to communicate with the public i just want to make the music and keep a low profile
Yes i’m getting swept away on this new media platform where we really can do it al ourselves and although i’m really cool with the tech side of it
It will at some point once again all boil down to meeting the public and getting in front of the car headlights which i loath and my 20+ years of music making history has proven i can not handle
I don’t do well in crowds would be a good way to describe it like people that have a panic when there are too many people around
I’m finding that as good as i am in business and seemingly music there is a bit of the puzzle that i can not find within me to be over exposed or connected to people i don’t know.
Its a funny thing having an ability to do something others think is special as your not really doing it for them yet they think you have and so you get attention for something you have not done its a paradox where you don’t really know who you are and where it started or ends…
So i am fully wired and yet i blog for my self and twitter for myself its sometimes with the though of saying something for the sake of others to read it but what comes out is always just me being me.
I would love to sell millions of records and make loads of money but still be unknown and for the last 20 years i have got away with this by staying underground and pulling big records from sale so they did not shine to bright (stop them pulling me in front of the car headlights) but…..
Now as i look at how i have dived deeply into this massive project as a way of escape from the changing underground scene and music scene
I can see the global potential for its success as its so unique and so me and so connected with today’s tech …i’m finding the fear once again mixed with excitement but untimely (based on all my passed success) a crash will be coming
If i fail I will crash
If I succeed i will crash
These last few years have been keeping me going and i though i best just put my mind on paper again (digital paper)
I’m looking forward to finishing because this has been like carrying a massive load on my back while trying to climb a mountain i’m ready to get it off my back now and its almost ready to be delivered but with that comes the “what next ” thoughts
I think that all artists are like me i have tried to work out why so many artist are depressed and i don’t really have the answer i think it goes hand in hand as we escape into being creative and we dig really deep into the escape like crawling under the blankets to escape the bogy man at night
and that deep hiding into our world is what makes it art rather than elevator music maybe?
Anyway got that down back to work…what more is there?