The dreams and unresolved issues of Mark Ruff Ryder’s 6 new iTunes LP Albums….

I’m gonna share a dream I had last night but I’m also going to analyse it because I can do that as long as I can remember the dream.

Here is a layman explanation of how your mind works and why we dream. If you want to skip it scroll straight to The Dream (title)

Why we dream

The brain uses dreams to make sense of the experiences, thoughts fears, worries and bits of random information it collects over the day as well as the deeper un resolved issues that are spinning around in the back of your subconscious but all have yet to resolve before you go to sleep.

A dream is your brain (which is just a super super computer) trying to clear its cache(temporary memory) by sorting out all these un resolved issue which it does by collecting it all up and making a story ‘Dream’ it needs to do this to clear them from is temporary memory.

Once the brain has played out the dream it is able to put it away and clear is Cache ( temporary memory storage) so you can start the day fresh and ready to actually fix some of those issues with a clear head uncluttered mind.

Sleeping is how your body and brain recharges for the next day.

Analysing a dream is a good way to prise out the true issues you have to resolve because they are all in there but like a vivid unrealistic movie as you brain makes dreams just to clear the clutter of unresolved bits and file it away as resolved but they are not resolved they are just how the mind deals with them so it can clear them.

This random information is joined together like a botched patchwork to make a cryptic dream story and as such it can takes some understanding of your own issues in your own real world life to decipher them and then deal with them in a real way.

When you get good at it you will be able to place loads of the characters and places with real life conversations or a passing moment maybe an over heard discussion it will become quite liberating understanding those issues in your subconscious as once you understand it you can actually try to fix it.

I’m a deep person I know deep things like this but self analysing is a more complex because just before you wake up your brain is supposed to have cleared the local memory for you to start the day but if your lucky traces of the dream are still there not fully wiped just like on a hard drive where you can erase it but if your clever you can still see the data using special tools to recover it.

Your brain is not always trying to fix your problems in the real world its main job of dreams is to just clear all the unresolved junk in your memory it wants to file them away under ‘sorted’ so you can start a new day fresh, all sorted and made sense of in the weird dream and then wiped from your local memory.

dreams are not designed to find the real solutions just to join all the bits into a way to say they have been processed and erased.

You have to find the solutions in the real world by confronting those issues which will always come back until they are resolved.

Imagine your dreams are like a Disney movie (if your lucky) or a Friday the 13th (if your not so lucky) or some very radome and weird with no coherent meaning as most times they are like a patchwork quilt of connections that seem random but the brain has to get all these clipping of unresolved images and information into a story to process it and delete it.

Once all the bits of information are connected and processed as a dream your brain can clear its temporary memory as it has to do this most nights because on a real computer you can switch it off and on again and everything will be clear but a brain can not be switch off or you would die. So your super computer creates dreams to process all this unresolved data so you can start a new day fresh and with a clear mind.

OK thats the science in layman’s terms here is my dream which I had 4 mins ago and was told that I was shouting out loud in my dreams.

Remember I’m a music geek and a sci-fi geek so sci-fi is where my brain can get a lot of inspiration for my dreams.

The Dream

I’m in a movie theatre I have waited for over 10 year to see this next Star Trek movie

This is a massive event and I’m sitting in the theatre, there are tons of geeks like me in there all waiting to watch the film also all the cast from Star Trek are there, Captain Pichard and Riker are just in front of me. I’m eating pop corn and excited .

They have been going on about this new type of film process never done before and we are all excited. I know it’s its not like anything anyone has seen before.

I have heard this new way of making films is created by the computer using all the knowledge it has attained from movie making and popular films .

Shhh….The movie is starting

I wiggle my bum into my chair ready for a great adventure.

I’m watching eagerly and it seems to be a bit Disney like as it begins, the rendering of the characters looks a bit like a Toy Story movie but I hold on because I know this is different and I want to give it a chance

All the characters are there on the USS Enterprise and something looks wrong its not what I’m used to, I want real space high quality rendered space ships but this looks a bit disney childish, like Lion king meets Toy-Story meets Star Trek everyone is watching it but my feet are now fidgiting, I’m getting frustrated waiting for it to kick into the real deal.

10 mins in and cartoon characters are mixed with relish renderings and the members of the Enterprise Crew, it’s confusing me I’m now getting really really angry I go over to the actor who plays Captain Picard and tell him this is not science fiction its comic book fantasy (remember I’m a geek and sci-fi and toy story don’t mix for this sort of movie)

He tell me to sit down and keep watching the movie. I try again but as it continues I’m boiling up more and more as more comic toy story type characters come on screen and all I want it the reality of the science with the fiction that is based on probable reality and i don’t see cartoon characters ever being in the same place as science. its not working these cheeky monkeys and kiddy fun.

Looking around there are a lot of kids watching and they are loving it but not me I’m about to explode I shout out something and get hushed I look around and see a few others like me and we are looking at each other like WTF.

I can not contain myself i feel conned and angry and shouting again I vent my anger with an almighty WTF is going on!

getting out of my seat I run down the stair to the ticket desk and demand my money back,

I am livid!
I shout at the manager and there is security all around getting nearer to me “Give me my fu*king refund”
The manager looks bemused he doesn’t know what to do but I’m thinking I need to get out of here right now I’m about to explode and I think more people are going to be running down those stars demanding a refund and I won’t get mine “Give me my fucking refund!” I shout again and the manager quickly scribbles on a refund sheet but before he is finished there is an almighty crash.

We look at the stairs leading to the viewing room and the whole cinema roof is disintegrating like pixels in a computer generated image it’s just dissolving and the roof is opening up to the sky.

I look back at the refund paper and rip the note off the pad and run to the exit, then I see one of the cartoon characters out of the movie escaping in a ship (yes dreams are weird) I give chase as it fly’s down the road “I have to stop that dam cartoon rubbish from escaping” but this character starts to fire all over the place making bigger building out of cartoon laser beams where there was smaller real building and taking over everywhere I have to stop it some how its my fault I must stop it!….

I wake up abruptly..

It’s 5:00 am I aways get up this early because my mind is always clear and I get so much more done so my first though is always ‘I have loads of work to do’ I have all day today to finish the artwork for the second iTunes Lp album which I have to deliver next week to Apple it’s seriously complex and I’m no professional and in-between there is so much other stuff I need to do also for the other albums its all started and i can’t stop now so i get out of bed and put my jeans on.

I have no recollection of my dream but then as I’m dressing the other person that was next to me is awake and says loudly “Give me a fu*king refund”

I look over “what? “

“You were shouting that in your sleep”,

I think for a moment and everything floods back , The dream I woke from.

I check again, “What did I say?”

“You shouted ‘give me a fu*king refund in your sleep twice the second time you also said or ill punch your lights out”.

I giggle but then say “OMG that was a dream I just had..Captain Picard, Star Trek!’

I quickly get dressed but I’m now also plunged back into the dream . I remember it all, it’s still there as only seconds have passed. I start to analyse it and I realise that its makes for a reality check of my current state of mind.

I want to share it so I get on my laptop.

I have now been typing for about 6 mins since the dream maybe other artists will understand how this dream makes sense when you are on the cusp of something with the potential to be very big or a very big nightmare.

The background

I have spent 14 years on a special set of albums that are exclusively for Apple iTunes LP platform they involve a comic book story and are being delivered to Apple as multi media iTunes LPs right now and I will continue to deliver the series over the next 2 months.

There are six albums telling a story across the series, so the cartoon part fits with my comic books but the word comic has many conertations in its perception. Some think it to be childish and for kids and then there is the sci-fi which is actually very intelligent stuff based on science possibilities.

Being a self confessed geek it’s serious stuff to me,

I have mixed feelings. My fear of not making serious music and bringing this whole potentially ‘toy story vs science fiction’ project to life.

The even deeper stuff is the fears I have of others expectations of me again,

The analysing

I am, in the beginning of my dream ‘the purchaser’ and I am very disappointed and that is a fear artists have when they create something new and different
‘ Is it going to be understood or hated’?

This is my projection of others reactions to what I have done as the first album is very commercial sounding, it gets deeper and more underground as the albums continue out but first impressions might be that I have sold out to Disney when I am at my core a truly underground dance music producer.

I am in my dream both the purchaser and the creator.

The characters in the movie eventually take over the real world and run a much and they are my creation and I personally  have to chase them down and try to put them back into the cinema (Genie back into the bottle) of destroy them.
They are now out of my control and I have to get them under my control again.

This is success taking over my little life and how It can spiral out of control for me and has done many times in the past. We want success but too much success and you lose control of your own narrative.

I have  always had trouble dealing with success that becomes grossly out of touch with my simple life style. I can not have it take over my small and simple life. Trying to contain success when its running its own course is very daunting.

I need to live on my terms and this has always been a struggle for me. Most people can not understand this way of thinking because they are chasing fame but I see fame as a double edged sword and so many fall on their own sword. I prefer to try and keep things in a realistic balance.

Just look closely at the many successful people that have crashed because they can not handle so much success and you might better understand how keeping the success under control is as important as achieving the success you want to get for your work.

Everything I fear wrapped up in a dream there is disappointment for customers and me not being in control if the projects becoming so big I can no longer deal or control it making me want to destroy it or it being misunderstood and just failing.

I have travelled in this bumpy ride of the music world since I was 15 years old having sold 15 thousand copies of my first single and never looked back since. I continue to do new things in dance music as I have always and I keep rising to the top of the charts and in every club or dance arena with the music I make.

I live in a world of judges and as a musician I have to be judged every single release because I don’t do PR, I don’t always tell people about my music, I also release it under different names to test myself but this new batch is a totally new world of digital story telling and stuff no one else is doing and I’m using my name now on everything (sort of).

To be worth something as an truly independent and 100% artist you need money and that means sales so the fear of failure and fear of losing control (having had both many times) is very real for me.

I need the freedom to do things on my terms. There is fear of a backlash from people who were expecting something different also. I always say that I am only as good as the last record I made there are never any guarantees in music unless your prepared to sell an image and your soul and dance on demand. That’s never been me so its aways daunting when I do something very different.

If you feel I’m missing anything let me know but I’m now very familiar with my key issues.

I have had to deal with this many times making music all my life. I would prefer for people to know I’m just good at what I do and leave it at that while supporting it but I might not do what they expect because I’m doing things on my own terms all the time.

I think most creatives have these issues as contra to general belief not everyone wants to be put on a pedestal when the music becomes big or overly popular but they do want it to be successful enough to allow them to continue to do what they do on their terms.

I’m so happy with this new series of albums because I set out to be very different and show the world the different styles of the uk underground dance scene and that the creation of an immersive album is still very much a reality and possibility using the iTunes LP format, it’s just more complex than ever to do well but #Apple still offer the tools to make an album to read and enjoy while you listen to and sing along to the words.

I know I have achieved everything and much more in this set of albums but I feel the strain once more of how it will be perceived and the rollercoaster ride that follows is aways unpredictable for me personally.

I want it to do well but not to the point that it becomes more in control than me.

I have to keep making new and different sounds because that is what a true creative mind wants to do I don’t know any other artist like me.

This is a real creation of music and fantasy and reality and my personal mission to fulfil this massive project and set people free with my hidden message.

If you want to help tell the world and get the inside track on whats coming please register at my website and share my posts as I only really do low key promotion to people I know would love what I do as I don’t want people shouting “Give me a fu*king refund” at me 😉



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Mark Ruff Ryder © Strictly Underground Records Since 1988