Still the world is turning and I’m Still not plugged back in yet

i don’t know where to start on this blog but i feel i need to document something as i have done so much in the last few month in my life and the changes happening around me are both positive and very very sad also

i changed my tables about 1 month ago so no longer on fluoxatine as they had stopped working and i was all over the place these new ones seem to be really good i’m feeling like i can not dip like before although i do every now and then feel a heavy weight of sadness but there seems to able a gate in place now so i don’t crash. and this is definitely the new tables i’m on and a good thing.

there has been too many very very sad things happening in the world i still can not get over michael Jackson’s death its very painful although now i’m able to talk a bit about it as i have always followed his life and been inspired by his work and he was such a miss understood person but his music expressed who he really was and that was the real truth about him only the haters made up those horrible stories about him it was so obvious in his music how much he cared for people children and the world
you can not make music like that and be the person the haters tried to make him out to be.

losing Steve Jobs is yet another blow he was also my idol i have spent my whole life working on Macs since the first lisa computer that cost £8,000 which i used to program in an office for a company in london when i was just a kidi followed his story and how he progressed like a geek in awe of his resilience and determination and his need to get things done his way with the least amount of compromising possible

there are a few other people i know wont be around long that i totally look up to so it seems all the foundations that have built who i am today are crumbling the people that made everything possible and the world a better place my rocks as an independent music maker and entrepreneur those people i would look at and say “they are doing it and they are like me so i can do it also” i know they were a million times better then me but they made me fell like i could reach those heights as they had with hard work and determination to do what they believed in and what you loved to do.

so here i am still not released a thing since i started 5 or maybe 6 years ago (i have lost count) , still things are not yet done and still the people close to me think i will never let go of the work i have spend almost every day trying to create and get right and all on a shoe string with all the money i used to own.

its lonely doing your own thing your own way and always wondering if the world or anyone at all would understand what your doing and i know this all too well having put out a sampler of the first album 5 years ago only to find that the story was not understood because it was so different to anything anyone had ever done before and thats why i had to crawl back into my bubble and make the story more visible to the everyday people that were only used to buying 1 track or 1 album then throwing it away i think now it will be better understood as the mission in music and now comic that it was always meant to be

people will think if its a success that your some sort of genius and really i don’t think you are your just passionate and determined and the flip side of that is if its not a success then your a loser or a failure which i don’t think is true either but we are all judged by what we do and so judgement day for me is coming very soon as my Apple Apps are now done my first two iTunesLP are updated (again) but now i’m happy they are done

There is still a lot of little bits to finish but as always its gonna take more money to finish them so hopefully i will make the sales i need to finish the whole project and pay that big bill i have racked up over the years on my credit card.

it would be nice also to be able to buy all my studio equipment back as i need it to do the remixes for volume 6 album how i want it to be as i’m still not happy with that one or vol. 7 but i have sold almost all of my studio gear in the process of paying people to do the work i could not do myself on this massive mission.

i have been at this stage many times before in my lifeits that roller coster ride and i’m scraping the bottom again but i know i’m sitting on something really cool so i just hope people haven’t given up with the process of buying music now its so easy to steal it and i hope my independence is still in tune with what people like

i recon 1 month maximum and the first two albums / comics will be on itunes LP store and the Apple apps will be in the next week or two and then all this work and lonely plans will either make or break me once again but its like i always say to people “This is all i know and all i have ever done since leaving school”
making music has been my life’s work but doing it my ways and avoiding all the usual bling, whizz and hype is part of the way i have always done it
Each time i release something its always from the ground up and never from a hit so you have to like what it is to buy it as it has no advantage coming from any hype like so many artist in the real world of the music business.

Take the time to check it out when its eventually released as i do think its very unique and as always i have done it all myself with just a had full of friends that help and this if it fail’s is possibly going to be my last mission although it will span almost 9 albums over the next 12 months but i think it will do well as long as people get a chance to check it out and spread the word to others as that is how its always worked for me in the past and i don’t think i can change the way i do things just be cause the music business is that much harder now days.

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Mark Ruff Ryder © Strictly Underground Records Since 1988