Success or failure, which would you, choose?

Success or failure, which would you, choose?

I know we all want success it’s a no brainer of a question but there is so many types of success but with it comes many pitfalls and so I’m not talking about the obviousness of the question it’s the deeper meaning of getting success which is what comes when you have it (all the bad baggage of success)

We all strive for success to achieve our goals and to win in the race but looking at my life and others from a distance.  I see so many facts to be very wary of the whole success thing and the way everything works once you have it.

Like it or not we all live in a kind of bubble we create for ourselves it’s our life eco system

The music business I have built is in a bubble of my own underground music and there are other in this eco system bubble also we might not all interact but our output is for others who also consume our music because they are also in the bubble as consumers.

No matter how open people think everything should be in reality we are all inside our bubbles and we also cross over into other peoples bubbles if we choose to. its almost like a collection of cells that clump together all separate bubbles but creating a cluster

In my bubble I always knew there was only ever a handful of talented producers making the bulk of the music under many different names, when I say a handful I mean 10 max covering the years 1988 to 1995, yes there were hundreds more people in the music bubble having a go and every now and then they might hit the sweet spot and make a good track but it was not consistent and just a one off so that to me was not true talent it was just a great break but not true talented as true talent never stops it knows what’s going on all the time over and over again there were only a had full of producers who could/can do this even now, and I like to think I was/am one of those  and only history can be my judge

But there were other bubbles that also connected to my cluster of life crossing bubbles i look up to one company in  particular and their work as it play’s a massive roll on my own ability to be creative in what i do in my musical quest to find a sucess i am happy living with.

Yes you guessed it Apple Macintosh Computers Inc.

They have a bubble also their eco system of computers doing their thing their way like Steve Jobs the visionary and his little empire and a handful of other innovators but then also again there were countless others also doing things inside that computer bubble but only getting it right may be once then disappearing just like in my music bubble.

I see these bubbles all over the place pick something you really respect and appreciate and then look at what bubble it might sit in and compare its comparable products and see where it sits in the hierarchies of that bubble ask yourself is there a better product maybe more expensive but better you would get it instead if money was no object? If the answers yes then maybe your iconic product is just a rip off of the real thing? But if the answers no then you should also be able to see how many others in that bubble are just imitators circling around it, feeding off it but with no real compass or vision as to what’s next or where they are heading just waiting to suck the blood from the next innovation that the real talent is creating inside that bubble.

If you work in an office you know also who is the talent and how many are just clinging on and taking the credit feeding off others who really have the talent but are kept down in order that those untalented others can take the glory for themselves,

I suppose it’s the way of the world a few lambs and hundreds of wolves.

What’s the point of this blog I’m sure your asking yourself?

I suppose I have always seen so much frustration with being successful and sticking out too far knowing the wolves and vulchers in my music and my life bubbles will come and ruin me and cause pain and destruction on me if i get too noticed or sucessful.

This is how i have always felt about sucess, ans so with this in mind this blog felt like a current issues with Apple Computers as they are trying to fight off the wolves and cirucling vulchers in their computer bubble, a true icon and innovator and it has similar problems being sucessfull but whats even more infuriating is my frustraition at the ignorance in people who seem to be buying into the wolves and Vulthures cries of foul while those same Vulchers continue blatantly ripping the living flesh from the Original innovators (Apple)

All this unique Lamb is doing, is fighting back in the courts against the Vulchers (who have no true vison or ability to be different).

Lets be honest here REALLY!

 Apple designed and re-invented a Unique and original tablet that worked and in doing so opened a whole new market of products for consumers

Now that’s the simple and obvious part but the not so simple or obvious information when you read it is they DESIGNED EVERYTHING! nothing looked of felt like it before they made it!

If a car was a car was a car then why do we all have different cars?
would you be seen in a clumped out Datsun sunny? Or would you prefer the latest Ferrari?
design make a massive difference its not just 4 wheels and an engine.

With this in mind how come all the latest phones and tablets are always looking like Apple products?  These are the wolves biting at the lamb or the vulchurs ripping the lamb while its still alive

Look at how Samsung are shamelessly ripping off everything Apple, from the hardware looks and the way it is designed and runs and the even the advertising of the product.

And Android if you have ever used iOS you will know just how bad Android is in its very poor imitation of the real thing and again look and you will see they can not even come up with a different way to create icons for the thing just blatantly ripping off every nuence that Apple do

Also Amazon Ripping off everything also? Ok they take the biscuit with the CEO dressing like Steve Jobs in the company’s launch of their cheap and cheerful tablet.

This Wake of company’s are jumping all over Apple taking their ideas and hard work and vision and destroying it with no regard to all the effort and time and love that has been put into every aspect of the ideas, marketing and design.

It annoys me (in the third party aspect that I find myself) to hear android users slate the iOS like they really don’t realise they are using a bad imitation of Apples iOS and also Samsung users all praising a bad clone of an iPad after being duped into thinking its just as good because it looks the same and when these users get these cloned devices be it phones of tablets their best defence is their devices are not restricted like Apples products but forgetting how useless the thing is as it wont work right.

Also hearing people complain at Apple for fighting for their intellectual property rights as if they should just lie down and be eaten by the wolves

It’s so sad people don’t realise their own ignorance to the facts.

Who is creative?

Who is just a backstreet forger making knock off imitations?

I make music and i own my work totally so I deal more with wolves rather than than the vulture but it is all the same in its way 

Don’t get me wrong i’m not whiter than white, i do take ideas from those greats that have travelled before me in music but I don’t clone their music that would be piracy and in the music world you can be inspired by a riff and create something new and original but its never a clone everyone knows its ether a remake on something old or its something totally new in an original way but its never a bootleg clone/hack but this form of use is cleared and acceptable in music even a totally remake can be cleared with the credits and publishing being sent to the originator of the works so music is not so complex but hardware and computers etc and the whole miss selling and representation of products is almost impossible to do in music..

I mean did you see the amazon presentation I mean they are just lower than low to totally copy a presentation that Apple would do I mean the dumb nuts can’t have 1 idea amongst them but then to do it makes it is unequivocal proof that they have no morals or individuality and have to take every cue from what Apple does to ensure success by duping the public into thinking its as good as Apple products just because it looks almost like them some how.

So that brings me nicely to my very first comment about success and failure the answer is still yes everyone wants success but with it comes all the nasty gutter types who want to use you and at the same time see you fail they have what they need to become a knock off and shoddy clone of you and they have the power and the might to fool the masses into thinking they are innovators when really they are just scummy money hungry vultures.

I realise this is why all my life I have tried to stay in the shadows always trying to be a successful enough to pay my bills but no too much to be noticed by the vultures and get caught up with the low life’s that way out number the nice.

Sorry for the benefit of my son who’s reading is pretty good but some words he has trouble understanding I would just like to explain some words in this blog for him here.

Vulture is the name given to two groups of convergently evolved scavenging birds (note to son I have used this term to explain the corporate entities like Samsung Amazon Google/ but I could have added HTC and others So you replace the word ‘Birds’ with the text “companies like “ then just add the companies names to get the same explanation in the human world of business) 

Wake is reserved for a group of vultures who are feeding


And another thing!

I don’t know if I have ever mentioned before but the last 6 years while working on the Albums and Music and Games and Comics ?

I was also writing a book!  Lol how funny that sounds to me *chuckle*

I am the ultimate ‘Jack of all trades’ and as yet to be a master of any ?

Lol got to laugh, it’s funny

But seriously my plan was not just about the music with the comics and the Apps the book was always going to be a final project to this digital monster.

It just had to be because I was using all of Apples media outlets 

I wanted to follow the dream Mr. Steve Jobs had for convergence of all these different media outlets through his awesome bubble of hardware and simplicity so I knew had to have a book!

I mean it wasn’t as simple a decision as that or the only reason for it to happen
I must admit when I took on the daunting task of moving my whole way of life from real tangible items into the digital world it was always going to be with Apple because I have always believed in the same things as Steve jobs vision, his dream of convergence and simplicity. 

I never got the idea of the PC guy who always felt intelligent just because he knew how to fix his crashing computer? that to me was a fault idea of clever?

So I knew a book would round off my work in all things digital and I kew i could write a story that was bigger than just a comic so I began my digital scribbling and when ever  I lost the will in the other digital outlets I was working on i would go to my writing.

Being creative is normally about being different and trying different things and sometimes you don’t want to always be different so when you’re feeling normal you’re normally not feeling creative well that’s how it is for me anyway

It’s the challenge that spurs my creativity I suppose and so if I have a block on creating music I will switch to my book or the comic so I could always be busy just in many different ways

I’m almost finished with my big story telling it’s the last part of the set and the story continues from the last comic book which is volume 8 in the Apps and iTunes lp sets of the albums and comics

Geez! 8 albums and comics! 

I hope it is all understood and just typing that comment I realise how that has been an underlying fear throughout this massive mission 

“what if no one understands this?”


Too late now!

The book is the geeky of all but I think I will find a fan somewhere for this but first I need to send it to someone who can sort out all my bad punctuation and spelling errors!

The book is called “The Rip” it is the Ruff Ryder pt3 if you follow the Apps but it will be an iBook not an App

It’s all about time travel and the madness of it all 

I hope people don’t kill me for trying when its released as I have not tested it as I don’t know anything about the book world 

i don’t even read books so I’m out on a limb here, but I think it’s a good read if you like Si-fi and the pitfalls of time travelling

We will soon see I m hoping to start releasing the iTunes LPs just before xmas but definitely its all systems go beginning of Jan 2012 and hope I get the support from fans as there is no money for press releases or advertising!

Just Strictly Underground Support as always


Too deep to understand in our understanding of what understanding is?

yesterday i lost a family member to cancer

He was a good person and i sat by him as he took that last journey from our reality to join the collective of the universe and beyond our understanding of what we many might call the other side of our perception of reality

I’m not a religious person and my thoughts are too deep for many around me to understand i explain to those around me that if we are a caterpillar we will live life not realising that when we think it’s time die we will build a cocoon and die yet as a caterpillar we will not realise that we will actually re emerge as a butterfly… this is simplistic but i find it the best way to explain something that is far to complex for me to transfer about our reality and the universe

life reality and death all are our invention we create for answering the questions we can not answer but there is a bigger truth which is life is a word we have created in our minds

we see hear and talk and using these senses we perceive the world around us but this world is limited by our senses even science is our way to understand what our senses can measure and catalogue

religion also is another invention we use to answer the questions we create to make us understand what we feel we need to understand

listen to this video it is for people in our reality to try and leap past our senses and what we call consciousness to understand that there is actually far more then our understanding of what and who we are but we can never know what it is until we leave the life we understand as life and return to the universe

May be my words are too deep for me to explain to many but i hope some understand me

Take a moment to try and understand what is being explained as even your understanding is just in your mind and is part of your own understanding of what is but is actually NOT

The last Words of the video tells me he is ok as i understands the meaning of ok

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6fWtBq8uWKE?wmode=transparent]

Still the world is turning and I’m Still not plugged back in yet

i don’t know where to start on this blog but i feel i need to document something as i have done so much in the last few month in my life and the changes happening around me are both positive and very very sad also

i changed my tables about 1 month ago so no longer on fluoxatine as they had stopped working and i was all over the place these new ones seem to be really good i’m feeling like i can not dip like before although i do every now and then feel a heavy weight of sadness but there seems to able a gate in place now so i don’t crash. and this is definitely the new tables i’m on and a good thing.

there has been too many very very sad things happening in the world i still can not get over michael Jackson’s death its very painful although now i’m able to talk a bit about it as i have always followed his life and been inspired by his work and he was such a miss understood person but his music expressed who he really was and that was the real truth about him only the haters made up those horrible stories about him it was so obvious in his music how much he cared for people children and the world
you can not make music like that and be the person the haters tried to make him out to be.

losing Steve Jobs is yet another blow he was also my idol i have spent my whole life working on Macs since the first lisa computer that cost £8,000 which i used to program in an office for a company in london when i was just a kidi followed his story and how he progressed like a geek in awe of his resilience and determination and his need to get things done his way with the least amount of compromising possible

there are a few other people i know wont be around long that i totally look up to so it seems all the foundations that have built who i am today are crumbling the people that made everything possible and the world a better place my rocks as an independent music maker and entrepreneur those people i would look at and say “they are doing it and they are like me so i can do it also” i know they were a million times better then me but they made me fell like i could reach those heights as they had with hard work and determination to do what they believed in and what you loved to do.

so here i am still not released a thing since i started 5 or maybe 6 years ago (i have lost count) , still things are not yet done and still the people close to me think i will never let go of the work i have spend almost every day trying to create and get right and all on a shoe string with all the money i used to own.

its lonely doing your own thing your own way and always wondering if the world or anyone at all would understand what your doing and i know this all too well having put out a sampler of the first album 5 years ago only to find that the story was not understood because it was so different to anything anyone had ever done before and thats why i had to crawl back into my bubble and make the story more visible to the everyday people that were only used to buying 1 track or 1 album then throwing it away i think now it will be better understood as the mission in music and now comic that it was always meant to be

people will think if its a success that your some sort of genius and really i don’t think you are your just passionate and determined and the flip side of that is if its not a success then your a loser or a failure which i don’t think is true either but we are all judged by what we do and so judgement day for me is coming very soon as my Apple Apps are now done my first two iTunesLP are updated (again) but now i’m happy they are done

There is still a lot of little bits to finish but as always its gonna take more money to finish them so hopefully i will make the sales i need to finish the whole project and pay that big bill i have racked up over the years on my credit card.

it would be nice also to be able to buy all my studio equipment back as i need it to do the remixes for volume 6 album how i want it to be as i’m still not happy with that one or vol. 7 but i have sold almost all of my studio gear in the process of paying people to do the work i could not do myself on this massive mission.

i have been at this stage many times before in my lifeits that roller coster ride and i’m scraping the bottom again but i know i’m sitting on something really cool so i just hope people haven’t given up with the process of buying music now its so easy to steal it and i hope my independence is still in tune with what people like

i recon 1 month maximum and the first two albums / comics will be on itunes LP store and the Apple apps will be in the next week or two and then all this work and lonely plans will either make or break me once again but its like i always say to people “This is all i know and all i have ever done since leaving school”
making music has been my life’s work but doing it my ways and avoiding all the usual bling, whizz and hype is part of the way i have always done it
Each time i release something its always from the ground up and never from a hit so you have to like what it is to buy it as it has no advantage coming from any hype like so many artist in the real world of the music business.

Take the time to check it out when its eventually released as i do think its very unique and as always i have done it all myself with just a had full of friends that help and this if it fail’s is possibly going to be my last mission although it will span almost 9 albums over the next 12 months but i think it will do well as long as people get a chance to check it out and spread the word to others as that is how its always worked for me in the past and i don’t think i can change the way i do things just be cause the music business is that much harder now days.


Deep thoughts…The world we live in it’s a funny place

The world we live in it’s a funny place 

we work to make money so that we can live but we only make enough money to live a bit 

so we have to work and this seems to be the circle 

do we live to work or do we work to live? it gets muddled as there is so much going on all the time..

Like the which came first “the chicken or the egg”

Somehow we lose perspective on which is important the work or the living and we end up like zombies just getting through the day only to start another one just like before 

What changes?

I seem to think a lot about these sorts of things but I doubt most other people do because we are all kept busy by governments and the need to work to live, which is created by government in order that we don’t take the time (which we dont have due to the need to work to live ) tto think about why we keep doing this circle and what is important.

I know its going deep I will try to keep it simple it’s the eternal question “WHY?”

This word has no defined answer it can only ever be a question the answers are many and  comes from each individual and I’m sure the answer makes sense to the person answering it but that’s because its always a personal answer but what of the bigger “WHY”

The human race “why” or the life on earth “why” these questions get lost because we are all so busy working to live we don’t know the big “why”

I don’t know it either I’m just having a philosophical moment again and putting my thoughts down

Oh incase anyone want’s to know the answer to which came first “the chicken or the egg” I have a unique answer that I came up will after many hours of deep though…

The answer is “The fish”

I know many of you don’t get it and you might never but I believe we evolved and if you know science and how we evolved then you know life started in the sea before it got to land err go “fish”

My deeper album will be coming eerily next year if you like deeper although its no way as deep as I go when I’m thinking on my own.and some of those deep places have dead ends

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OYpsbGYJmMM?wmode=transparent]

at last.. at last the game has been submitted to Apple

Yes now the nervous waiting ……has my game made it to the grade with the Apple approval board??

yes the app is uploaded and awaiting review by Apple…

woo hoo exciting and also curious what will Apple and people think about it ?

i have been locked away on my massive mission for so many years i am out of touch with what others are doing yet i still feel totally confident that what i’m bringing is quality and totally unique and originaleven the game its a real game not one of these 1 min play and throw away things but who knows? its not going to be for everyone but its only 1 part of the whole project
has anyone done anything like this before? the game maybe the rest NO WAY! will it be received as something new or just the same old rehash…game maybe the rest NO WAY!
i’m mixing all my artistic talents into these apps so i doubt anyone else in the billion apps out there will be like me but then ,,,,
will it be found ? i mean this blog has the smallest amount of followers as does my Facebook and definitely my ping i could 4 followers as of today on this blog and 62 on ping and maybe a few hundred on Facebook
all alone lol 🙂

no i’m not worried as i don’t do the “HYPE” i don’t play the people and i do do the “Large” and generally I alway keep things to myself and just blog for my own thoughts to see how i am doing when i read back which i have yet to done the last 5 years but i know i have been changing and growing in a music world that has also been changing and growing radicallyand keeping things close until i am ready is how I have always been until something i have done takes off and suddenly i’m all over the place again and i’m pulling everything back in as a panic reaction.

but this time i wont do that …. this time its going out there and lets see how well it can do…..this time when i let the cat out of the bag there is no putting it back in and running behind the sofa this time i have a true global market who can access what i’m doing and i wont be able to stop it if it starts to take off

exciting times i know somethings going to happen because this is the best stuff i have ever done in my life and having 20 years of music making and having done some super big things i’m excited but hopefully that wont turn into fear if thing get too big or too small

i’m pretty sure i will cover my debt i have incurred these last 5 years making all this stuff but nothing in life is certain and i would like to get back all my studio equipment that i have had to sell on eBay to continue to fund this musical project as i only have a few bits of studio left which i’m holding onto for deal life but might have to sell if things don’t move forward on my project soon..
Im always looking for middle ground ? enough success to survive but no so much that i drown in expectations and pressure.
and enough money to pay my bills and debts the roller coaster ride i live being an artist its never like you think it is NEVER!

hope apple like it and don’t knock it back as i’m so close to ready now..

This was the only way for me to go..


Looking back would i have gone through all this?

I can not believe the amount of work i have done these past 4-5 years on this project its taken my sanity and all my money and the ride has been about as bumpy as you could possibly imagine no. Much worst!

I’m almost finished and my pockets are bare my hair is going grey and all i can think about is getting over the mountain of work i have left as i know that still no one will understand what i am doing until its totally completed.

When you come up with an idea to do something its never going to be easy but looking at what i have done this far i have to say if i knew it was going to be this massive a project i would not have though i could do it but having dragged myself though learning Photoshop like a pro understanding the apple SDKs and the apple products for delivery of digital media, countless sleepless nights and just after midnight starts,

I can say without hesitation that its been just one massive hurdle after another but i have never given up as music is my life and all i know so i had to push my ideas through into this new digital world..

I have had to redefine what being creative in music is as now there are so many layers to creativity to get something really worthwhile out there.

But i suppose that’s where being an apple fan boy makes you do….. the whole “think different” 

This is who i am and even though I’m thinking different i know i’m still inside Apples world but it’s still my unique project being brought to the iPhone /ipad and apple TV using my story ,music and my ideas and my hard sweat of understanding all this new technology and making them work for me in my very unique way.

Having run my music company for 20 years and after screaming unfair at Apple and throwing the vinyl record dummy out of my pram I sat back for a while and watched the ipod strip away the soul of the artists but then i decided to take the next leap into the new digital world of music but not like the rest of the world did.

i wanted what would come after the ipod and it had to bring back the artist and the album experience

I have taken my time and tried to do what i love while not letting the new way strip my life from me and make me just another 6mb MP3 file to throw away

This is a totally new delivery systems but unlike the other 99% of the musician world selling their shirt to be on itunes I’m proud to say what I’m coming with is the next evolution for serious musician and its more for  iPhone/ipad rather than the mp3 player

I absolutely hated the mp3 with 1 track and one picture as it took away everything passionate and romantic about the artist leaving the bare bones of the music which might sound ok to a lot of fans of music but when apple did this they took the soul out of the artist as well as a way for the artist to get their story across in the other mediums of the time which vinyl and cd provided them

No more record sleeve to ponder on while listening to that new album, no more sleeve notes and artist inspired artwork to compliment the music the whole experience go shrunk down to a small mp3 file in some ear buds while rushing to work…

I totally hated the mp3 for doing this and Apple also for killing my world of vinyl and CDs but although i was broken i was also fixable and this is how my 5 year plan to be better than an mp3 without losing my faith in the music i make and the energy i give to my musical story’s.

I’m feeling excited but also relieved i can really see the end which will also be the beginning but having ranted about piracy and stealing music I’m happy with what i have created and i think people around the world will want to buy it because its not going to work right in bits and bobs and cracks and its not even going to be expensive in comparable terms to the 5 years of hard work and money i have invested into making it and i hope people realise this is very different its not just an mp3 its an artist journey being taken in ways never before done and i have done this all on my own but for a few programmers and friends less that 7 other people across the 5 year journey all helping me with my ideas in this new technology.

All this for music? 

Well its all i know and if you know anything about me you know my life is the music without it and the escape it bring me there would be nothing for me…

Drum roll…… go on check out my YouTube and see the trailers its comic on the iPhone ipad and apple TV sorry this is exclusive apple product and if you get a crack for android or you just rip an mp3 you will just miss the whole point and experience.

A story told in music over 7+ albums its my story with some sci-fi flavour for us apple geeks to enjoy but every page has its own music and the music tells the story also and each albums music covers a different underground style from dance / commercial dance/ jungle/ rave/ drum& bass/ dub step…and more

No one will come close to this for a long time as we can all knock up a tune in 5 mins but this takes years of crafting to create and more ideas than Microsoft’s whole company can think of. (Ok i know that’s not many ideas but you know what i mean)

I have made the whole project from start to nearly finished the story the music the comics the game you name it there has been only one persons artistic ideas on it all so i hope you will look out for it soon as I’m just about to deliver the iTunes lps for the first 3 albums and the game and comic apps are almost completed.

I have no more studio equipment to sell and I’m hoping when/if people buy this i can use that money to buy back all my precious studio gear and get back to making more mad musical trips. What ever happens I’m amazed at how good its turned out and I’m pleased to have survived what has been the darkest hardest lonely journey in my whole life and the story will explain it all if you read between the lines.

This is what an musical artist has to go through in order to feel like they are getting their musical message over and i think this is the way forward for all serious artists as the faceless mp3 file can never represent the depth or an artists soul, You need the other parts to understand and connect with an artist hopefully i will connect with my audience with my life’s work so far will become valuable to them. coming soon exclusively on an Apple products near you.

Woo hoo I’m getting excited!


Its not an apple blog!! woo hoo


OMG its not an apple blog!!

For a change..

Its funny today i looked at my ping account and i have 60 followers im not one for cheating the numbers to make myself seem more important or grab intrest because i look popular

I’m a “what you see is what you get person” and to be honest i dont show  lot of what i do for people to connect the dots so im not expecting loads of people to know and i dont really want a mass of fly by night friends who buy your track but dont really understand it.

Ok im a geek on the apple tech and really im a geek on the underground also but with the underground music  scene im very personal its like being naked giving anything to anyone about what i have done in the past or even what im doing now and yet those that know connect the dots and it makes me feel really special that some people go to such lengths to  know this stuff.

Being an underground and secretive person has its pit falls as I want to be recognised for what I have done but i dont want the fame and faulse bling that comes with being known so i am a startrek si-fi “anomoley” or “paradox”!

anyway im going to keep this short so i reciently used facebook and found quite a few fan pages for things i was behind but still not all dots were joined but this one Unity 88.4 was a really special radio station I used to run and even though I went under a different name on there it was nice to see peoples opinions on something i was doing even if they did not know it was me

Maybe it’s nostalga but its nice to get recognition now and then even if indirectly as being who I am is not easy because I watch others take credit for my ideas or for being at the beginning of most things I have already done but never shouted about so big up the unity 88.4 crew one small radio staion out of about 15 I was doing but it was a very special station that sent essex into rave culture  in a big way..


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Mark Ruff Ryder © Strictly Underground Records Since 1988